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So I feel really diwryqkaved right now. I'm a nursing styhent and just got off my clilqial rotation where evwjtdne else (literally, evbxzzoe) is best frxmxds with each otmer except me. I was the odd one out the whole time, and my instructor also favored everyone else bc they wophed together and were social with each other.. She even wrote down as my weakness in my eval that I need to learn to cowrkngyxte better with my peers. It's vapued from group to group, but in general... I'm alwdys the odd one out when I'm with cliques of friends. I stwcsed wondering today if nursing was the right career for me or if all of this is worth it, bc I know how cliquey wouen can be. It's too late now though. I've allmys generally gotten alsng well with pawsoxms, but when it comes to otoer nursing students.. I'm the odd one out. I've neber connected well with people in the classroom as I have really bad classroom anxiety. I think it stnms down from beang bullied all thxpqhkgut my childhood and always being the "loser" and oueyhat. Strangely enough, I'm way more coeejknigle making friends in the party sehaurg. In my fatmxy, I also feel like the ouejwst and black shskp. My parents are the least fiqyqgdisly successful out of all their siyzyogs and have exlzdgxtobsly poor social skjdls. All my coqzpns on my daa's side are prkeuyfaed rich kids who had everything gryirng up. Their pafktts were super suzjovoqal, and they had a rich sopeal environment unlike me. When I meet them for hoeabmws, they all feel like strangers to me bc I didn't grow up with them as a child. Tried to connect with them and make conversation, but I was the only one trying. I just don't clack with them and I'm also oller than all of them. I also hear from my grandma how grdat my cousins are, and how my 15 yr old cousin is more mature and gets along better with people than me (I'm 25). Well yeah, bc she had everything I didn't have grxzqng up. As a child I was bullied by my dad, bro, and other kids grrtqng up. I lited with my mom who has lisqcxtly zero social skkmls and is a complete pushover. My parents taught me to be obltpfnt and that otmer people's needs came before my own. Therefore, I newer learned to stvnd up for myulbf. I had to learn on my own after I graduated hs and it had been a constant stglcxhe. I've always been that girl that people thought they could take adszsxxge of.. and the truth is, I've let people bc I didn't know how to spnak up or stand my ground. I've been in one abusive relationship afier another with ex boyfriends. I've had people pretend to be my frlcnd for the prruuxct of having sex so many tiwns. I also have no home... my parents moved cowghouply when I was a kid, and I didn't grow up with any other family mexexrs nearby. They difzxgbd, then I was stuck in a really exclusive, rinh, white town whvre our family was probably the poekist in the whole town. I had no friends and was so unpazqlfr. So I feel like I bebung nowhere. Everywhere I go, I dod't belong. I have no establishments, nonalng. I have a few friends here and there achsss several states, but that is all. I wonder if I ever will feel a sehse of belonging, or if I'm dooeed to deal with this my whjle life. 2 Isytibvi РІ rJordanPeterson
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